"& Guested" and Other Etiquette Hieroglyphics

There is an art to being a great guest and it seems like most of us (and I include myself in this shameful group of folk) take short-cuts with our "guestiquette" - and hope no one notices we're slacking. But the short-cuts are as visible to the hostess as walking around with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of our shoe.

It's the little things that make a big impact and here's a quick run down about how to get that toilet paper off your shoe.

1. Remember to RSVP and get extra points for doing it within 7 days of receiving an invitation.
2. Show Up on Time and get an atta girl for arriving no later than 30 minutes after the time for which the party is called.
3. Were You "& Guested"? Here's where the hieroglyphics of reading invitations come in. Take a look at how the invitation was addressed. If it was to you, and you alone, then it means you alone are invited. If you were "& guested", (that is the say the envelope reads Millicent Rogers and Guest) then you were "& guested" and are welcome to bring a date. It's really easy. Now, here's where you can collect $200 while passing GO, if you were not "& guested" don't call the hostess and ask if you can bring a guest with you. There maybe be a host of reasons (pun intended) that you were not "& guested" - there could be seating or budget limitations -- and by simply assuming it's ok to show up with another person as your guest, or calling to ask if you can bring someone along with you, you put the hostess in a very odd predicament.
4. Hostess Gift. Indeed, don't show up empty handed. Bring a little something to acknowledge the effort that someone is making to entertain you. Pssst....don't bring fresh flowers, send them the day after!
5. Oh, Behave! Heck....it's a p-a-r-t-y. Put away your Blackberry, don't scream at the caterer and then root around in the refrigerator for something else to eat other than what's being served, don't switch placecards just 'cuz. Grow up, put on your big boy pants, and try to be charming, especially if it doesn't come naturally to you. Go ahead, pretend if you must and focus for an hour on something other than your neurosis or yourself. If you are a Californian, don't talk about the gains you've made in real estate. If you are from Hollywood, be here now and focus on the person to whom you are speaking -- dare to make eye contact. If you are from Silicon Valley, most of us won't understand or care who you are Twittering and who is Twittering you. If you are from Orange County, remember that everyone else in the room may not agree with your perspective on Mexicans or the merits of driving Escalades. If you are from the Bay Area, remember, not everyone may agree with you about alot of things so try not to wag a scanctimonious finger at them if you find you have differing opnions.
6. Leave on Time and get kudos for not departing early while boasting about the other parties or three to which you are heading.
7. Thank You, Vielen Dank, Merci, Gracias. It doesn't matter how you say it, but it matters that you say it -- thank you. Call. Email. Major Brownie points for sending a hand-written note.

Lest you think we've waded deep into Edith Wharton territory, I assure you we have not (more on THAT in another post). What I've described above is the bare minimum of courtesies to make sure people don't confuse you with a knuckle-scraping ape. Yes - the BARE MINIMUM.

And now that you have all these great points, how do you spend them? By returning the favor and hosting a party of your own. Go ahead and kick up your heels, make the effort for your friends, and when your heels are up in the air, make sure to check 'em for toilet paper.

Let us know how your next party turns out and whether or not your guests' etiquette has an impact on your own guestiquette.